(This post continues from a previous post titled “I FELL IN LOVE.”)
I am penning this down here because I want to document this. I can’t possibly share this on YouTube, and I don’t really want to share it with my friends.
Anyway, I didn’t give much context the last time to why was I single for more than a decade. So, here I am to touch on that.
Don’t be mistaken. I like love as notion, and in fact I love it.
It could be solely because I identify sexually as demisexual – or more specifically a Panromantic Demisexual.
Being demisexual really means that it is hard to date or fall in love, really. Because romantic / sexual attraction doesn’t happen unless a emotional connection or bond is formed.
Anyway, science aside, truth is my heart was empty, and it had a void that love filled up.
Falling in love has indeed changed me (and whether the change is for the better, only time will tell…)
I am just more grateful that it happened than heartbroken that it ended – I am broken, though. It filled my heart with so much love. And it so much more that I could ever imagined.
It was epic. And it was sufficient for a long long time.
“Love is without any limit or end, generously just for that one person.
Putting your entire heart and effort into it.”
It was something that was without inhibitions. That all the boundaries that I effortfully built over the years were redrawn. And that I was okay with it.
- Distance : Wherever it was that if I need to do something, to meet up, or to get things done, I would travel there in a heart beat.
- Time : And no matter how late was it in the night, I was willing to head out just to be there for that special person, or to make things better.
- Comfort zones : My personal boundaries and perference started to shift as well. Even relocation had crossed my mind.
- Conditions : And I put in all the effort, time and expenses willingly, without and expectations on getting anything in return.
Wow. This has gotten me really bad because irrationality hit me like a bullet train. I will continue again. Seems like there is going to be a series of post on this topic.
Let me know what you think. Do you think this is actually love, or do you think its a product of many years without love? Do share some coping tips with me too!
그대에겐 난 작은 사람
그저 아는 한 사람
To you, I am someone who doesn’t mean much
Just someone you know
That’s it for me,
Just the reason of love.